Tuesday, November 8, 2016

P.M.R (II)

Before you proceed to reading, make sure to read Part (I) first. (:


A few days had passed and it seemed to P that M were absent in all of them. R occasionally sulked to P about it, but even she gets the hint: M doesn't like her the same way she does him. When she finally told P that she was going to move on and forget the snob, P believed her, until that Friday.

"P, do you think there's a 'one true love' for every one of us? that one day we will all meet our true loves and live happily ever after?" R asked P, as they flip through their History textbook, pretending to find the answer to the essay question that their teacher assigned to everyone in the class. Open-book questions are the worst, P thought to herself.

She thought about R's question, and answered her,"Hmm, I don't know, perhaps not? There are more women in the world than there are men, and unless the only homosexuals in the world are women, then maybe? But men can't be gay."

"Homosexuality is fine by me, true love isn't about physical traits and cultural beliefs. Women can like men or women, so can men. I don't even care if they like both genders, I'm just interested to know if we are all destined to find a supposedly 'other half' of ourselves," R said in response to P's answer.

What R said made P's heart flutter for a short moment, as she finally found out that R isn't homophobic. Now it's only a matter of getting the perfect timing to tell R that P is actually gay. If the situation permits it, she'll even tell R that she's in love with her.

Without waiting for P's opinion, R continued,"I really hope that it's true, that we will all meet someone special at some point of our lives, fall deeply in love with them, get married, have kids and live happily ever after, and that will be it. That's happiness right there. I don't care about all the riches in the world, or the fancy things and lifestyle, or popularity. All I need is someone I fall onto and be comforted when I'm weak, someone I can support and support me, someone to share our happiness and special moments together."

P looked at her as she said all the things she said, and thought that R was the sweetest girl she had ever met. So pure, so loving. Ever word she said made P fell more and more in love with her, but while she felt all warm and fuzzy in her heart listening to R, she can't help but notice the little black fog in her mind, warning her that she doesn't know how R will react to her true feelings towards R: that while R accepts P as her close friend, P wanted to be a lot more to R than mere friends. A cold ice storm came storming into her warmed heart, freezing the ventricles and clotted all her blood cells into sharp tubes of bloody icicles, stabbing into the walls of her heart and brought her back to reality. Homosexuality isn't a norm in their school, known for their conventional and close-minded culture, so it's best for P to keep her identity and feelings to herself for the time being. 

Maybe, it's just a phase. Maybe, I just spent too much time with her and I've confused our friendship as something more. Maybe. It's nothing. She turned her head back to her old, hand-me-down textbook and tries to focus on the task at hand, and stop thinking about this.

R fell silent for a little while as well, then said,"I really hate myself for liking him, but I just can't let M go. It's like I'm bound to him by some invisible string that I can't cut off. I don't know how to explain it, but every time I see M, I just felt so happy. Just the sight of him for one short moment makes me happy and makes me forget about whatever bad day that I was having. I've never had such feelings towards anyone in my life, not even my ex-boyfriends, but I felt so strongly towards M. I felt like, no matter how hard I try, I'm just going to keep going back to him, even though I know that he doesn't feel the same way towards me. It's crazy, right?"

If P's heart was still trying to melt the icicles stuck in its chambers, it's no longer doing that. The walls of her heart have now completely frozen solid, and her body is numb from the cold spreading from her core. She now know for sure that her feelings towards R will never be repaid, and that she will always be just a friend to R. Her gay friend, nothing more, she thought.

She came home and immediately threw herself onto her bed, and cried into her pillows. She had no idea how long she sobbed, but she could feel that her pillow was soaking wet with her tears, and that bewildered her. She had never liked anyone in her life, and thought that maybe she's just not the type to fall in love, and her mother's selfish departure from her family made her detest any form of love because she believed that love will only bring pain at the end of the day, and if you can't have love and happiness without pain, then she would rather not have it at all. As she sobbed for the last time before her tired eyes close shut as she drifts off into her dreams, she thanked God that it's the last schooling day of the week. "TGIF huh," she said to herself with a chuckle, and fell asleep as the last drop of tear rolled down her left eye onto her tear-soaked pillow.

Word count: 980

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

P.M.R (I)

Write a story beginning with: "It had been raining all day..."

It had been raining all day and the sky still shows no sign of the Sun's attempt to peek out behind the dark clouds to shine its rays on them, if he even tries at all. October has always been P's favourite worst month of the year; exams are always scheduled around this particular month, and almost everyday is a rainy one. She's getting sick and tired of waking up to dawns that feel like dusks and not being sure if it's really morning at all when she opens her eyes everyday. The grandfather clock by the hallway chimed and she sees that it's 6.30 p.m. She sighed and closed her novel she was reading, and gets up from the sofa. I guess he's not coming home again tonight, she thought to herself as she enters the kitchen and pulls out a packet of instant noodles from the cabinet. She's gotten used to her father not coming home for dinner. Clients are so troublesome sometimes, I had to stay back to meet them. I wanted to keep the meetings short, but you know how it is, some people just doesn't know when to stop talking and have some consideration for other people's time, he always complains to her, but she can never know for sure if that's the truth, or that her father just wants to avoid the fact that there will always be an extra empty chair at the dinner table after her mother left three years ago, abruptly and quietly.

She poured the cooked noodles into a bowl and was just about to take her first sip on the delicious but MSG-loaded soup when her phone vibrated. It was a message from M: Yo, he said. 'sup, she replied.

Did u manage 2 jot down the ques that we're supposed 2 do 4 add math jz nw?

Yep i did... Prac 9.1 no. 2,4,5,7(a)-(g), 9, 12, 15. Prac 9.2 all n Prac 9.3 odd numbers.


No prob, wher did u go during class jz nw?

She waited, but his replies stopped coming as she took her last slurp of the noodles. Oh well, she thought, I guess he's still busy. M is her best friend and her shoulder to cry on whenever she's feeling down. They've known each other since young and have somehow kept in touch though M's family moved a few times in and out of country due to his father's work. It seems to P that M is preparing to leave the country again as his father got transferred to Chicago just a month ago. She washed the dishes and returned to her seat on the sofa and continues reading her book. She barely got to the middle of the chapter when her phone vibrates again.

Hey! so sorry i missed ur msg earlier! mum called n i had to help her get something from the attic. missed class jz nw cz i was at the principal's office, needed to inform her tat i wont be going on the student-exchange program. btw u free this weeknd?

have some errands to run on saturday, but wont take long. y?

family and i wil b leaving in a month's time, so i wana spend as much time as possible with my friends bfor leaving. 

pfft since when r u sentimental. its nt the first time u leave anyway.

im so disappointed in u. when m i NOT sentimental. so sunday then?

ya sure, sunday

oryt! see u then!

wat do u mean? not cmin 2 schl anymore?

And the replies stopped coming once more. P wondered if she will see M in school tomorrow. It was not the first time his family's moving away, so why is this time any different?

The first bell rang, signifying the beginning of the first period. It's still raining, and many of P's classmates are absent from school; some stayed home to do some revision before the exams starts at the end of the month, some just uses the bad weather as a excuse to laze around at home. About half of P's class is absent today, and just when she thought R will also be absent, she came in not 10 steps away from their BM teacher and hurried to her seat beside P as the teacher enters the class.

"Morning!" R whispered.

"Morning!" P whispered in return.

R took out her books from her backpack and scanned around the class to find that many did not turn up for school today. A little voice in her mind tells her that she should have stayed home today, but she has her own motivation that drives her all the way to school today, despite the terrible weather and her wet shoes due to stepping on a puddle by accident as she exited the car earlier. She looked around for her motivation, and find that he's not here today.

"P, is M absent from school today?" she asked her friend.

"Yeah, I supposed so," she replied.

R sighed. He could have told her that he won't be coming to school today, but he didn't even reply her on Messenger last night when she messaged him. She knew that M is moving to the US soon, and she wasn't going to let her crush on him go unnoticed. So she's been trying to get close to M, but he must have picked up on the hints and is trying to avoid her instead, or maybe he's just been very busy getting the visa and packing for the move. R tries to stay optimistic. He's probably just too busy to chat, she comforted herself, but as the day goes on, she got more and more bored of the lectures. By recess time, she was contemplating on whether she should call home and ask her mum to come over and bring her home. P tried to cheer her up by telling her funny things she's read on the internet the night before and played some games that they've created together previously, but R just doesn't seem to be in the mood for any of that.

P came home and saw that M had sent her a message a few hours earlier, telling her that he won't be attending school this week as he had to go to the US embassy for an interview so he can get his visa. He'd also told her that he won't be attending school for the next week because "I bet the teachers won't be teaching by then anyway, I might as well study at home." She replied to his message and told him about R.

R was really hoping 2 c u in class 2day, y not come so we can study 2gether or smtin?

Nah, R is prolly jz being dramatic. she'll b fine. y do i have to attend schl jz 4 her to c me tho?

Cz thats wat frens do, isnt it?

Well, ya, but i actually have things to do, so, too bad. 

M, y do i feel like ur being mean to her?

Me? i'm not being mean. i'm jz stating things as they r. i have some stuff to get ready for the move, and there's really ntg much 2 do in schl right now, so its logical 4 me 2 skip attending it, don't u think?

Yea, i know. but still, you knew that she likes u. so y can't u b nicer 2 her or smtin. 

P, i AM being nicer to her. it was either telling her straight that i don't feel the same way and break her heart, or this. and i think avoidance triumphs. u know how dramatic she can b, n i dwn 2 b the excuse she uses when she flunk her exams at the end of this month.

P did not know what to say after that. M is right, but P just can't bear seeing the person she likes being hurt. It's bad enough that P can't confess her feelings to R, she can't bear seeing R not being able to be with the person she loves and be happy. 

P? r u still there? 

Ya i'm still here.

Anyway, i just think that since its almost the end of the year, n i'm leaving soon, she'll prolly forget about me n find a new beau by the time school reopens. so there's no need for me 2 b the bad guy here for the sake of letting her know how i feel.

Ok, i get ur point. but jz curious, y don't u like her as more than a fren?

She's jz nt my type. too loud, too shallow for my taste. we don't even share anything in common.

She's not as superficial as u think, M. u jz don't know her that well yet.

Maybe, but she doesn't make me want to get to know her more. i know ur close to both her n me, n u prolly think there's some thing that can bond us together n make us frens, but i don't think she n i can ever get acquainted, if we don't have u as our fren. we're just too different. the only thing that we have in common, is that we both know you.

Word count: 1,546

Part (II) on the way