Wednesday, April 6, 2016

uugh, stop posting stuff like that already...

Ever have that one friend who somehow seems to always post about his/her feelings on social media? When they're angry, they post a status about it. After that, post something with quotes in it and apparently is feeling inspired, or motivated. The next day they might post something upbeat, following the motivation from their previous post. Check-in a few days later, and they will revert back to anger or maybe depression, and they'll post a status about how bad their day was and how terrible they're feeling, somehow discreetly (actually not really discreet also la) asking for their friends' comfort and kind words.

Don't deny it, everybody's got that friends in their lives, unless, YOU are the one who does these things. If so, then, whoops. 

I'm actually not against people doing this, I see why sometimes conditions may drive one towards seeking solace and comfort in the virtual world. It's just that when one keeps posting the same kind of things in social media, it does makes me wonder if it's really necessary to share negativity or small little matters and cause an eye sore to others, you know?

My question is though, what is the extend of your pain that determines whether or not you should share it with your friends online. Take note that I only mention pain: stuff that hurts you, makes you sad, or makes you upset. I'm not going to discuss about posting things that makes you happy, because hey, spreading happiness is always nice (though I must say, there are cases where people over-share and these particular instances do annoy me as well, but I might just be a pessimist and a downer in general so maybe it's just me detesting joy in general).

For a couple of years now I've been somewhat controlling and filtering things I put on my SNS*, not because I'm selfish, but because I think about the impact that will be caused by those updates that might or might not be good, whether it's towards myself or the people I love and care about.

Sometimes when I feel down, and alone, in the corner of my brain there will be a small voice saying, "I could pm this friend of mine", or "I should post this, it can't be just me that felt this way". Most of the time I don't listen to these voices, and the few times that I do, I'd go as far as typing out the post, but discard it before I tap on the "update" button because let's face it, I'm not important, I bet nobody will notice my posts anyway.

Sometimes, I'd feel depressed and helpless, to the point where the only thing I'm capable of doing is cry and hope that my eyes will eventually get tired enough that they'll let me drift off into my dreams. That's when I wonder, will anyone notice and came for my rescue? if people know about my current weak state of mind. Will anyone understand what I'm feeling? Will anyone share the pain I feel in my heart?

You might say, "Well, since you have a problem, surely you know the cause of it. So why not just go to the source and solve it? Talk to the person, or change the way you do things, whichever that fits the situation." You guys are smart and sensible, I know, because entry after entry I've posted long essays, and you read it, and here you are again, reading yet another long essay that may or may not help you in anyway other than adding good karma points to your ledger for being such a nice person to have spent your time reading my blogs.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. I agree that it's always better to go directly to the source and try to sort things out, but you can't expect things to go the way you wanted it to go, right? Sometimes, the fault is our own, and no one else's, and it sucks. Because you know you're wrong, but it's the way you've been operating all you life, so it's going to take time for your brain and body to accept that you have to change, and that messes up your whole being and render you helpless. So for me, whenever this happens, I tend to resolve to crying. There's no better feeling than the sense of release after a good, wholesome, bawling.

But one can only cry so much, before coming back to reality that I still have to fix my twisted mind. Then I wondered once more, do I really have to change? Is there no other person that share my thoughts? I wonder if anyone resonates with my opinion, if only I posted something about it online.

But alas, I know that if I posted, the only thing I'm really doing is justify my selfishness and resist fixing my flaws. And that is not a good thing to do to myself.

So how? Hao (cry) loh...then wake up a brand new person and be stronger that you were yesterday. 
How about that for self-motivation and inspiration eh? (:

*SNS: Social Networking Site(s)