Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Dog* Math

*Disclaimer: this post contains profanity. So, for the sake of you innocent mind and pure thoughts, vulgarity with Fs are replaced with Frogs,
those with Ss are replaced with Sheeps,
those with Ds are replaced Dogs,
and those with As are replaced with Ants
(there isn't any cute animal that starts with an A, except Axolotl, but that's too complicated to pronounce and I'm too lazy to type it out everytime I use the A bad word) 

You know what I hate? Differentiation. 

Functions and Quadratic Function? I don't see why I need to do what the computer can help me with, but okay, I'll humor you.

Simultaneous equation? Great. I love putting one thing into another thing to find that one thing I needed so I can find that other thing that YOU needed. 

Statistics? Yea cool. I might need it in my life sometimes. Even if I don't use it personally, at least I won't be lost if someone else presented a page-full on how my money came and disappeared. Money is important, and whatever that has to do with it, I must care about it. Kids, you only need to know this if you want to stay alive. Money is important. But don't earn it sheepy and illegally okay.

Coordinate geometry? Sure, but I just dont't see why I need locus unless I plan to invent mini floating bullets that hovers around me and command them to go shoot someone if s/he pissed me off.

But Differentiation? What the frog do I need it for? Oh, oh, you bought a round cookie and you need to calculate how long you can savour the sweet treat if you nibble at it at 2cm-squared per minute? Frog you. It's a dog cookie. You eat it and move on with you life with heightened blood sugar and feel better about your sorry ant and your sort-of-but-not-really miserable life. Oh you're heating your sheeping hemispheric metallic paperweight in an oven and it's expanding at 2mm-cube per minute and you wana know what the total surface area would be if you leave it there for 10 minutes? WHY DID YOU EVEN NEED TO HEAT UP YOUR SHEEPING PAPERWEIGHT! IT'S A PAPERWEIGHT! LEAVE THE POOR THING ALONE! LET IT SQUASH YOUR PAPERS THAT'S WHAT PAPERWEIGHTS DO! heating up a paperweight my foot.

Yes I know I'm long past being 16, I know add math shouldn't bother me anymore. Unfortunately I chose one of the many noble paths to save humanity to earn my living: becoming a private tutor. Yes yes, I could've stayed away from add math and teach some other subjects. I guess I'm a little bit of a daredevil, okay maybe more of a masochist.

I've always subconsciously try to find ways to make my life harder. I do that in my own education by enrolling into an MSc and opted for research-mode rather than the simpler mixed-mode study. It's a piece of paper I'm getting at the end of the day, it's not worth my time, but apparently I've spent 3 years meddling with chemicals and kill myself slowly by poison and gets almost nothing in return except going frogging bankrupt. All in the name of science and frogging "experiences". Kids, listen to auntie here, don't waste you time "gaining experiences". Our whole life IS the whole frogging experience. Whatever you do, it's YOUR experience. Don't waste time on working hard to make other people's live better, unless you can actually save the planet doing what you do in 2years or less! otherwise, sheep it and move on to other more useful things. We're not Thor, we're not Loki, we're not Gods; our lifespan is a pathetic 80 years on average (statistics, heh!) and our culture pushes us to waste the first few decades on growing, learning and "gaining experiences". As if life has no more new "experiences" for you to "experience" after you turn 40 and balding and menopausing. If life don't throw new sheep at you anymore, well then it's probably time for you to go byebye and reincarnate into a bug or something because you're a horrible human being for killing ants(actual ants, no vulgarity here, don't confuse yourself) and stuff. Because karma.

Even when I'm driving, don't expect me to use the GPS and avoid traffic and take the best route to reach my destination that I've never been to before. Ooooh no. I have to take the longer route, figure out the map by myself, get stuck in jam a little, have a mental breakdown and finally found the right way to my checkered flag. Yes I am that girl, that annoying driver that couldn't decide which way she wants to go until when the junction is 5 meters away from my car. I can't drive and pay attention to my GPS, I can't multitask on the road, okay? I'm too busy being distracted by some random lights flickering on some random building or some banners on food fairs and hot air balloon festivals. The road is simply too crowded with things to see.

And when a friend of a friend of my dad's asked if I want to take on a private tutor job, heck yeah I would! Add math! How fun! I survived through Add math and Math T AND Calculus. Form 4 Add Math? PPffffffffhhhh kacang putih. But NO. I don't see any kacang putih anywhere. There was a whole lot of kacang putih back in the first 5 chapters and a few sprinkled here and there in chapters 6-7, and suddenly there was a small kelompok of kacang putih in chapter 8, but there was not one single kacang putih or hitam or hijau or merah anywhere in Differentiation. NO. And don't give me that "well add math is not about the theories, it's about how you solve problems and develop you problem-solving skills" frogging NO. You want to develop problem-solving skills, you drag you kid into a woodshop and tell him/her to build you a bookshelf or a office table. Or bring them into your kitchen and put them in charge of dinner tonight. THOSE are legitimate and useful problems. AND math and planning and self-management are involved too, because if you dont' calculate things right and your office table is lopsided, you're gonna suffer with wobbly table for years! Your kid is probably panicking and actively searching for solutions to complete the task you've given them. THAT'S education. Not frogging differentiation. 

Hate differentiation. 

FYI, I did well in my math subjects, okay?
A1s for both my maths(modern and additional) in SPM,
a B for my Math T in STPM, 
and As for my Calculus course in my undergrad days.
So, I don't hate it because I'm terrible at it; I'm actually quite good at math. 

And if you think I'm harsh on this particular chapter in Add Math, wait till my student finishes the form4 syllabus and we move into form 5 stuff and face Integration. You might like me even lesser than you do right now.